stressed

Ok I'm burning out.  I have a 17 month old.  In the past year my husband and I have gotten married, bought a house, and gone to Hawaii.  I work 37.5 hours a week with a 40 minute commute each day.  I have no energy at night to make dinner, clean or play with my daughter.  We are drifting deeper and deeper into debt.  With a new home comes new expenses....paint, lawn mower, new lights for kitchen....etc.  I very much want to be able to either work part time or not work at all.  My problem is that I am not good at any one thing.  I am very good at office work, typing etc.  But there isn't really anything I could do to work from home.  I am afraid for my sanity and my health.  If I have to do this much longer I really think that I will go crazy.

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if u r genuine about sorting it all out then i would first talk to your husband about how u feel and ask him to take on a second and even a third job

if he wont and if both of your families are made aware of your difficulties and they cant or wont support you financially through this then i would say to both of you to give up on the mortgage house and rent a house instead and also rent SMALLER a flat instead of a house which is cheaper

then i would give up your job and stay home with your child it is possible to manage on one income it just means tightening your belt until your child and any other children u have are older or even grown up and left home

once u get started on living cheaply it will become second nature to you so much stuff we dont need like second cars and fancy clothes for work and all new furniture etc

good luck and i hope u both have the courage to make major changes

We are on a wonderful program: NO MORE Mortgage, now I work for them. www.NoDebt4u.org
Don't wait as long as I did, my children are almost out of the house. Get out of debt now while your child is still small so you can save for her education and your retirement. You get out of debt so much quicker when you aren't paying all that interest.

Dear Stressed - Today on msn.com there is an article on 4 Real Stay At Home Jobs. You might check this out for some ideas. God bless you and good luck!

Hi, I just thought I would mention to you that you might check out the medical transcription field. If you have office experience, I am assuming you are a very good typist. You can take an MT course and complete it I think within about a year. You will not make big money in the beginning but you would be able to work at home and slowly build up your experience and your speed and skill. I have 15 years experience and now make excellent money at $150-200 a day in an 8 hour day, There is a shortage of experienced skilled MT's and there are literally hundreds of jobs available all as a home based transcriptionist. Some jobs are in IC position (independent contractor) where you do not get any company benefits, but other jobs are employee status where they take out taxes and offer insurance, 401k, vacation time, etc. For me, I've been working at home now for 12+ years and absolutely love it. Not to mention what I have been able to save on work clothes, car maintenance, gas, etc. I make my own hours, and if you like to work evenings, there is usually a shift differential as well. Good luck to you and don't despair, you CAN AND WILL find a way to do it all AND be happy to boot!

Hugs,
Gina

Well! You have experienced three of the most stressful events in a person's life in just a few short months! Your body is telling you to slow down..and if you don't, it will force you to!

http://www.cccsintl.org/
consumer credit counselling services helped dear friends of ours with their mounting debts from home repair and college. Maybe they can help you too...their services are FREE.

I listen to a radio program...www.clarkhoward.com where the host is all about frugal, money-smart living. Maybe you can glean some advice from his site.

As for your exhaustion...even moms who stay home get that way with a lively toddler! Perhaps you are unwell..anemia or low thyroid (or pregnancy) can cause extreme tiredness and are also normal symptoms for young moms..so they can be easily missed.

I know you must feel completely overwhelmed and that there is nothing you can do. Don't give up! There are ways out from under the burdens you bear, but you may have to change your course.

Maybe you could work from home. Another friend of mine works for www.west.com doing phone work from home and makes a great living.

Talk to your dear husband. No doubt, he would want to know and help alleviate your stress.

Lauri in NC stay at home mom to 9. (but our house and family are NOT like the big rich, families you see on tv!)

Please visit my website at http://carrie.motivatedmoms.net and request more information. My home business saved me. I was working 40 hrs. and trying to be a mom at night...it was exhausting. I quit my job to stay at home but needed to do something to feel like I was contributing monitarily....Motivated Moms has helped me find my niche and live a healthier, safer, SANER life!!! Hope to hear from you.....

Don't go crazy!
I read the above 10 posts and find all the information very good. I have found a way to work just 2 days a week. For me, the bottom line was to figure the exact minimum amount of $ I needed to bring to the family and then I made a job out of making my budget work. I made a choice to be frugal because I wanted to be free. I, like you, wanted to stay at home with my child. The hard part may be giving up things your family has grown accustomed to. You CAN do it, and you will be happy you did. You go girl!

You need to put yourself first. See if your husband can do some babysitting while you have time out away from home - read a book in a coffee shop or on the beach. If he cannot spare an hour a day for you, then get a houseperson/babysitter. They can babysit, clean and cook meal. One hour a day is nothing to save your sanity!

WOW! Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I will check out the sites that everyone suggested and i will be posting more blogs as I progress.

you might check out the book "your money or your life" can't remember the author. you don't say how much you make but if you figure your commute time, food and clothing expense and sitter you will probably be shocked at how little you are working for. i don't have sitter expense any more and i get a fairly good wage for the area i live in. but when i figure in the times we eat out due to being pooped from work, and the cost of auto upkeep and driving expense and figure those into my hourly wage i only make about $2 an hour free and clear. by next month i will be an at home housewife. cooking and cleaning may be drudgery but so is working for nothing. at least we will eat well and have a clean house and a nice garden and yard!
i can also babysit for my grandkids and help give my kids a break on daycare cost.
raising a child may seem like a slow process and you have plenty of time with him/her. but you will be very surprised how fast that time flies as they get older. and how much less time they want to spend with you as they get older. enjoy your time together now and they will remember it all of their lives. a 20 minute play date with your child will seem like a 2 day retreat in their minds, after all, they have only been on this earth a short while. their concept of time is not the same as ours. i remember picnics as a child that seemed like they took all day but was told it was only a couple of hours at the river for a meal. cut back on expenses where you can and take time to have picnics (even in the winter!) and nature walks and weiner roasts. those will be the times you remember when life gets rough. it helps smooth out the memories of bill collectors and hard times.
i've been there. we raised 4 daughters in a two bedroom house with one job between us. our kids (and half the neighborhood kids that hung out at out house cause it was more fun) often talk about going on a picnic in the snow or fishing or taking a wagon full of picnic stuff and walking 2 miles to the lake in the hot sun. cheap, good exercise and great memories. good luck.

and I've been doing it for 8 years. get used to it, sweetie! have hubby pitch in and help out some! I owe $30,000 and will never be able to afford to buy a house, and can barely afford to pay rent plus the bills.

I so identify with you! We had six kids in four years, all of whom had been neglected or abandoned by their natural parents. I was totalled! I had no idea what to do. But we made the decision that I would stay home with the kids. I found ways to save, including eating what my husband grew, shopping thrift stores, sending for rebates and using coupons, etc. You'd be surprised how much money is available if you look for it. Aluminum can prices are past $1.00 a pound now in some areas. Have you penciled out a budget? It will tell you if you have to move to cheaper quarters. What kind of debt is getting bigger all the time? Is it fast food meals because you're too tired to cook? Could you manage with one car? Could you team up with a friend for transportation? And the book someone suggested, "Your Money Or Your Life" is by the late Joe Dominguez, a former Wall Street broker who found a way to live on $6,000 a year. The medical transcription is a good idea. I learned to do it on the job, so it can't be that hard. In short, there are tons of possibilities, so take a weekend to get a breather and then sit down and start doing some figuring. If you can show your husband how you could save money, and how little you really take home after expenses, I'll bet he'll find ways to help you. He might not need a second job! Check out Cheryl Gochnaur's online free newsletter for stay at home moms. Most of all, good luck! Not everybody has the physical strength to do it all.

If you can possibly do it, buy a copy of the Tightwad Gazette, you can buy it from Amazon, I got the book that had all three books in one, (Tightwad Gazette I, II and III). We have 5 kids, we have our home we live in and we still own the farmhouse we moved from, so we are paying 2 mortgages while we wait to sell the farmhouse. I am an RN, and I work in homecare. I do visits to patients' homes during the day when my kids are in school when the company I work for has visits for me to do. It is extra money since I can't count on it steadily. The Tightwad Gazette book is a great reference book for how to live on one income, and it is inspiring too. It becomes a challenge to see how much money I can save each month. I really enjoy it, I hope this helps.

Life is truly harder now that ever. I can relate to your heartaches and trials. However, you WILL get through it and "this too shall pass.

First, I suggest the BEST Multi-Vit/Mineral you can afford, with a B-Complex supplement. Secondly, I suggest that you
do indeed keep searching for something from home with the idea that you will be able to save the sitter's fee, and be there for your child, although it takes a lot of
self-discipline to just do what is needed. You CAN do it.

Go to sites that offer to pay for you to take surveys! There are survey-scouts for under
$40 that offer a good long list to get started. If you type well, but aren't particularly trained at anything else, this is a great place to begin to make a part time salary, get some interesting things to try for
retailers, and have a home job that you can deal with, setting your own hours, for sure!

Remember that God's plan for the mother is to be in the home with the children, taking care of the house, meals, clothes, and cleaning, with a nap when the child naps, even if only an hour, so that you will be able to be bathed, bathe the child and be fresh as a daisy when your tired husband comes home to his loving wife.
With this in place, you will find that your home will become more pleasant, your bills will be less, your priorities will fall better into place, your husband and child will be happier and healthier along with you.

To do otherwise often means to try to place a square peg into a round hole, or to place
wrong gears together that often get clogged without remedy. Why? It isn't how God planned for humans to relate when married.
The husband is the bread-winner, the wife is the budgeter/helper, and the two of them
will draw closer as a result of your obedience first to God, then to your husband on all major issues/purchases/goals. Don't overwork to keep up with the "Joneses" or you will become stressed and sick. Just work steadily, wisely, lovingly, faithfully, happily,
and raise your child in the way it should grow. I had to find out the hard way. I hope you will consider the alternative and choose to follow the Creator of Heaven and Earth's plan for the family on which this nation was founded.

You can drive yourself crazy if you keep telling yourself you are going crazy, I am told. Get into a simple routine, make your family your highest goal in every way. Cut
out whatever you cannot afford, clubs, magazines, parties, entertainment, fancy
foods, shopping, latest fashion/technologies, and get REALLY serious about your expenses so that you can begin to have HONOR and lose all PRIDE. Honor is to be cherished and will win out in the long run. Pride is false and will fail you every time. Concentrate on just what you need, not much of what you WANT.

Your husband will be so "proud" of you that he will respect you as never before. You will begin to feel the relief you seek. Take your vitamins, watch all carbs in all that you eat and drink. They will suck the energy out of your life and blood. Search for a healthy balance in all that you cook, all that you buy, and search for bargains EVERYWHERE
on NEEDS ONLY, putting the "wants" off for
special occasions AFTER you've done your
"homework" and gotten your "ducks in a row", as they say in Texas. lol

This is my senior advice to all young mothers. Stay faithful and pure at all costs.
Do WHATEVER it takes to make your home
peaceful, your husband relaxed EVERY day, and yourself pleasant and content with WHATEVER GOD HAS GIVEN YOU.

I've tried every other path, and all other
solutions failed. The Creator's plan works and lasts, helping us through the pitfalls of life more often than not. See your trials as challenges to grow stronger. See your husband and child as His gift to you. See yourself as His helper/stewardess to them, then because He knows all, He will add all the things you need.

God bless and keep you. : )

No wonder you're exhausted. That's alot to take on in 1 year, especially with a toddler at home. You should talk things over with your husband and together come up with a plan on how to manage your stress. Can he help with your 17 month old and give you an afternoon once a week to yourself so you can relax. Every little bit helps. Also, if you know of other mothers, you could always do a baby sitting swap. If you know enough other mothers, you could each take turns having play dates once a month. This would take a little work setting up, but it would be worth it in the end. Also, if you enjoy children, perhaps you could set up a home day care. Good luck - I hope you find the solution that works for you!

Hello,
Just wanted to share some of the things I do, maybe it will help. I am single with 5 kids. I work full time and go to school so I have learned many tips to simplify my life.
First: Get on a good mutivitamin..do not skip this step. I take Geritol Complete. It is cheaper than some of the others and I find it works better for me. I also take a B-12.
At least once a day,get the baby in the stroller and get out of the house. Walk the block or street for at least 30 minutes. This is a great stress reliever for both of you. IT will greatly increase your energy.
Second: Many churches have a mothers day out for a few hours during the week. CHeck into this and get the baby in one at least once a week. Take this time to run errands,grocery shop or just go home and take a nice hot soaky bath.
Third: Make out a menu for the entire month for dinners and lunches. This has freed me in so many ways. I look at the menu in the morning, set out what I need to cook and go to work. On the way home I am not worrying about it and the kids already know what we are having. I always plan my menus so that if I have leftovers I eat those for lunch the next day.
You did not indicate if hubby takes a lunch, if he does not then pkg leftovers for him to carry, thus saving the expense of eating out. Spending $5-7 a day on lunch adds up to hundreds a year.
I agree with the post advising you to utilize your typing skills in medical transcription. I would check into that.
Plan a budget and disipline yourself to stick to it. Dont worry about the whole month at a time. We are talking get through one day at a time.
When my kds were small, I bought a used sewing machine and made all of the clothes they wore. When they outgrew them I sold them at a yard sale. I also used sheets to make curtains and upholstered furniture with them. A sewing machine is a great tool to stretch a budget. When I had scraps I made quilts to use for bedcovers.
Make a habit of looking for good used items. You mentioned having to buy lawn tools. I hope you didnt buy them new. I have found all of my lawn stuff at garge sales and in thrifty nickel papers. I recently bought a riding lawn mower for 200.00 perfect condition. Now I am looking for a leaf blower.
I realize how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. I have been there. But now,being a single mom it is much more challenging to juggle all of the hats I now wear. Enjoy this time with your child. The memories you make are precious and are gone very quickly if you do not preserve them.
I also found out that my local college has students who cut,color hair,wax eyebrows etc for next to nothing. I always go there for beauty stuff. Cut and color is about 20.00. Read all you can. Write and make sure goals. Focus on them and you will get there. I hope you have a supportive husband because they can be a tremendous help to you. My last advice is no matter how little you have TITHE! Even if it seems to be a sacrifice. God honors this and will increase your abundance.GOOD LUCK

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